rest

I keep sitting down at the computer trying to say something of importance to you.  I come up empty.  I think back on events of the week and find nothing that stands out.  Nothing to write in this space.  For the fifth time in a week I sat again this morning, waiting for something to come.  The nothingness that followed actually became the concept.  I find myself wanting something significant to happen each day.  Something to share, a photo to take, just something out of the ordinary.  I often forget to just enjoy a regular, uneventful day.

Contentment.  That word can cut me deep.  It isn’t so much that I’m not content with my life, it’s the quiet that gets me.  The moments of rest I’m called to by God are the hardest for me.

Be still.  Know that I am God.

That has always been a struggle for me.  I’m a busy-body.  A do-er.  I like challenges and problems to solve.  Perhaps, that’s why I’ve always found myself attracted to an over-loaded schedule.  I’d rather turn down a task than not have a full plate.  It makes sense to me.  I’ve always been that way.

I like deadlines, big events, and a dollop of chaos to unravel.  I know, I’m quite strange.  It’s just how I am.  I’m built for weird.

I’ve heard of a book over the last few years that tackles such a personality as mine.  Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.  I just began to read through it last week.  This is really speaking to me.  If I could re-write the title to better fit me, I’d call it, Having a Mary Heart with a Martha Mind.

Do you also struggle in busyness?  I certainly lean more towards Workaholic than I do Laziness.

If so, I think you would enjoy this read.  I love the way she has addressed the fact that Martha isn’t less spiritual of worse than Mary.  She points out the strengths and weakness in both.

As I look for areas in my life I need to rest in, I also know that being busy isn’t a bad thing.  I just need to make sure I focus on Jesus and the path the Holy Spirit leads me down.  I pray for discernment in my life constantly.  I ask myself what taking on something else would profit me, my family, the Kingdom of Heaven.  Is it worth it (time, effort, money, energy)?

Have you any thoughts here?  What do you do to decide your life obligations and activities?  Do share!

I am learning more each day the value of quiet.  Nothing to report, ordinary, mundane, life has many lessons for me.  I am grateful for the silence.  I have found that a new challenge is always around the corner.  The rest is worth taking while I have it.

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

the assiduous life

Saying the word “busy”  didn’t seem like enough to describe how much our life has changed this last year.

Assiduous.

Taxing.

Overwhelming.

In the midst of a life swirling around us, we are forced compelled to turn our trust and hope and faith in God.

There are times in this life that feel heavy and troublesome.  There are seasons that feel that way.  There are years that have that oppressing cloud over them.  This is one of those years for our family.  The light is at the end of the tunnel, though.  That little flicker of hope is shining through.  There are days I’m convinced that I’ve imagined it.  Others, I know it’s there.

What am I talking about?

Relief.

Over the past eight months I’ve gone from Stay At Home Mom to Career Mom.  Nick has gone from Sole Provider to Mr. Mom.  We are about to embark on Homeschool to Public School…again.

We’re in that awkward phase.  The one where you know it’s rough waters ahead, but you can see that sparkle at the end.  The one where if you just push a bit harder, you’ll find rest, but you know you can barely take more.

I realize there are plenty of you out there that work full-time and have children.  This is new to our family.  The change in pace and rhythm has been a challenge from the beginning.  I fully understand the strain on family ties when there are two working parents!  It just takes so much work to work.

::I’m going to insert a confession here.  This is a bit of a therapeutic post for me.  I have hardly the time or brain mass to write nowadays.  I’m putting forth the effort now because I feel I need to write.  There’s only so much my poor husband can take.  Continue on if being my Whipping Boy is fine with you.::

Here we are.  Nick on the brink of advancing at work (UPS…finally), and I in the crossroads of Can’t Quit and Worn Out.  You see, my income is drastically more than Nick’s.  In fact, if I hadn’t had the Favor of God in my workplace, I’m not sure what we would’ve done.  For some reason we simply can’t understand or see yet, Nick had a very difficult time finding a job.  Very difficult.  So, here we are.

Forced Compelled patience.

I never thought we would be here…ever.  I’m a career mom, Nick’s the main caregiver of the kids.  He makes bread (seriously) and I make work schedules.  He runs the schooling.  I run a restaurant.

Things are changing soon.  Soon, the kids will be in school, the husband will put in more time at work, I will be on the hunt for an after-school caregiver.

Never thought we’d be here.

Here we are.

Humbled by the circumstances of life.

Open to the leading of the Lord.

Re-evaluating our past convictions.

Entering into the life of an average American family.

I must say, though we never dreamed or planned or wanted this life, we are walking though it with faith.  Hope that the light that we see or imagine, flickering at the end of a dark and trying year, is really getting closer.

Just a bit more to push through.  A wee more time.  Much more work.  A true path that has been laid knowingly and intentionally by a God that has a plan.

Forward we will march on in our assiduous life.

Romans 5:3-5

Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.